Seen, Known, Valued: 3 Questions Every Great Leader Should Ask
Most leaders step into their role with the best of intentions and a strong track record of getting things done. However, what many quickly discover is that leading people is a different skill set from doing the work yourself.
When leaders focus only on tasks, it can leave team members feeling unseen and undervalued. Morale drops, engagement dips, and communication starts to break down.
There is a better way.
At the heart of great leadership is connection. And one of the simplest and most effective ways to build that connection is by asking the right questions.
In this article, we’ll explore three essential questions every leader should ask to build trust, boost performance, and create a team culture where people feel seen, known, and valued.
Why “Seen, Known, and Valued” Matters
If you’ve ever worked for someone who only seemed to care about results, you know how quickly motivation can fade.
Yes, getting the work done is important, but people aren’t machines. They need more than deadlines and deliverables. They need to feel seen, known, and valued.
Yet many leaders, especially new supervisors, tend to default to managing tasks rather than leading people. It’s not because they don’t care. It’s because they were promoted for being great at the work, not necessarily for understanding how to support others doing it.
I’ve been there myself. Early in my leadership journey, I focused on what I knew best: the work. But focusing only on the tasks can unintentionally send the message that what matters most is the output, rather than the person behind it.
That’s when teams start to disengage.
When people don’t feel seen, they begin to withdraw.
When they don’t feel known, they stop offering ideas.
When they don’t feel valued, they wonder if their efforts even matter.
But when you flip the script and lead with curiosity and clarity, everything changes.
You build trust.
You strengthen relationships.
You create a culture where people feel safe to show up fully and do their best work.
And it starts with asking the right questions.
The Questions That Transform Supervision
If you want your team to feel seen, known, and valued, these three questions are your starting point.
They may seem simple on the surface, but each one opens the door to deeper connection, better communication, and a more supportive work environment. Whether you’re working with someone new, trying to reengage a disengaged employee, or just want to better understand your team, these questions help you lead with curiosity rather than assumption.
1. “What helps you do your best work?”
This question tells your team member, “I care about your success. And I know that looks different for everyone.”
When you ask this, you’re giving them permission to reflect on what conditions help them thrive. It might be quiet mornings, clear deadlines, regular check-ins, or even space to think independently.
Just the act of asking the question increases their motivation because you’re naming their best work as the goal and inviting them into the process.
2. “How do you like to receive feedback?”
Feedback is one of the most powerful tools a leader has, but it only works when it’s delivered in a way that the person can receive it.
Some people prefer feedback in the moment. Others want time to reflect first. Some need a softer start, while others want you to get straight to the point.
Asking this question helps you give better feedback and builds trust. It also gives you insight into their past experiences, both good and bad, with supervision. You may hear stories like, “I had a manager who embarrassed me in front of the team…” or “I really appreciated when someone talked me through the ‘why’ behind the feedback.”
This is gold. It helps you tailor your leadership to what will be most effective.
3. “How do you prefer to communicate about challenges?”
We all handle conflict differently. As a leader, you will absolutely run into challenges with your team.
This question prepares both of you for how to navigate issues when they come up. It also signals that you will address problems rather than ignore them, which is often a huge relief for your team.
You might hear someone say, “Honestly, I avoid conflict when I can,” which gives you a chance to gently ask, “Okay, so when we do need to talk something through, what approach would feel most respectful to you?”
You’re not only learning how to handle problems. You’re showing them you intend to handle them with care.
How to Ask These Questions with Intention
The beauty of these questions is their flexibility. You don’t need a formal process. You just need genuine intention.
Here are a few ways to weave them into your leadership routine:
One-on-one meetings: Starting with a new team member? These questions are a brilliant icebreaker. Already working together? Use them to reset and reconnect.
Team sessions or small groups: Want to build collective trust? Try these questions in a group setting. You might be surprised at what people learn from each other.
Annual reviews or check-ins: These questions fit perfectly into performance conversations. They shift the tone from “what did you do” to “how can we work better together.”
On the fly: Noticing some tension or disengagement? Use the questions as a way to open up the conversation. A casual, “Hey, can I ask—what usually helps you do your best work?” can open up a stuck situation.
A small note on delivery: Avoid using email. In-person or video calls allow for real-time back-and-forth communication, letting you read body language and tone. You don’t have to have perfect phrasing; what matters is that your team can tell you mean it.
Remember, this is about intention, not perfection. You won’t ask every question flawlessly. You might forget to follow up. That’s okay. What matters is that you’re showing up with curiosity and care. And that counts for a lot.
What Happens Next
Asking these questions isn’t just a nice gesture. It can be a turning point.
When you ask your team members what helps them do their best work, how they prefer to receive feedback, and how they would like to communicate about challenges, you’re doing more than gathering information. You’re building connection, trust, and clarity.
Here’s what tends to happen:
People feel seen, known, and valued. This alone can boost morale and motivation.
You learn what actually works and gain practical insights that help you lead each person in a way that suits them.
The culture improves because when people feel like they matter, not just their output, they’re more likely to collaborate, problem-solve, and go the extra mile.
Of course, not every conversation will be magical. You might get short answers or miss a moment to dig deeper. That’s okay, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about building relationships on purpose.
Start small. Pick one question. Ask one person. Then another.
And over time, these simple conversations can create powerful momentum for you, your people, and your entire team.
Start the Conversation
Managing tasks isn’t the only thing that matters. Leadership is about building relationships that bring out the best in your team.
These three simple questions are a powerful starting point.
If you’d like support in putting this into practice or are ready to grow your leadership skills with confidence, I’d be happy to help. My Leadership Mastery for Supervisors coaching series will help you lead in ways that make your team feel seen, known, and valued.